Schitt's Creek: Johnny's 5 Best Pieces Of Advice (& His 5 Worst)
Sometimes sensible businessman, often doting dad, and always awkwardly hilarious, Johnny Rose was the voice of reason in Schitt's Creek even when his reason was less than sound. As the prior king of the Rose Video empire, he'd made his millions owning a ubiquitous video store franchise, until an embezzling business partner forced him and his family to decamp to rural Schitt's Creek and start their lives anew.
Johnny may not have had a handle on social media, but no one could say he didn't have a handle on making the best of a bad situation. As he and his family adjusted to life in a rural small town, he went from trying to be a better parent and husband, to trying to be a better businessman and community leader. Even if his advice wasn't always warranted, wanted, or appreciated, it was always from the heart.
10 Best: "Word To The Wise, When You're Speaking To Somebody Wise, You're Cognizant Of What They're Saying."
With a very small set of life skills to draw on, Johnny faces a lot of challenges in his first few months in Schitt's Creek. Him and Moira try to sell faulty skin cream, he tries to make ends meet at the Blouse Barn, and eventually he decides to open the upscale general store Rose Apothecary.
Though the Roses aren't very good at sharing their emotions with one another, Johnny's often the first to open up and initiate an emotional connection. He tries to give David some fatherly advice about listening to the voices of the wise people around him, because their life experience might be useful.
9 Worst: "Let Me Break It Down For You, Junior. If They're At The Motel Using The Coasters, They Don't Need To Know Where The Motel Is."
Johnny might come across as a Luddite when it comes to technology, but he isn't above reaching out to his children to clue him in on things like social media, "rollouts", and "pop-ups." As part of the rebranding of Rosebud Motel, he decides coasters will help boost recognition and boost occupancy, except he forgets to put an "address" on them.
From his perspective, when guests are at the motel, why would they need to know where it's located? David reminds him that an "address" can be a web address, or some information involved with letting guests find out more about the motel long after they've booked their stay.
8 Best: "You Want The Smooth Under Eyes Of A Sixteen Year Old? Get A Job."
After first moving to Schitt's Creek, the Roses quickly realize that in order to survive, they'll all need to pitch in and pull their weight. This includes David helping to support the family financially, which Johnny can't do on his own anymore as the sole breadwinner.
When David starts complaining about not having enough money to buy his favorite Parisian face cream, Johnny has a simple and effective solution; he should get a job so he can afford the luxuries he wants in life. David, horrified at the prospect, eventually learns to relish purchasing his own things with the money he earned from an honest day's work.
7 Worst: "Talk To The Hand, Son, Because The Ears Are No Longer Working."
There was something of a language barrier between Johnny and his children, often caused by his inability to properly understand turns of phrase that they used. Or even phrases they didn't use, but he attributed to them simply because of the difference in their ages.
Irony abounded whenever David would try to talk to his dad about something, like planning Moira's surprise party, and Johnny would be the childish one, trying to use "hip sayings" to connect to his son. It was a parenting choice which only served to cause more distance between them, not less.
6 Best: "You Miss 100% Of The Tapes You Don't Play."
When Johnny is questioning whether or not to reach out to old acquaintances about investing in the Rosebud Motel franchise, Stevie reminds him of the advice contained in his book about business, in which he once wrote, "You miss 100% of the tapes you don't play."
This is a version of Wayne Gretsky's famous quote, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take", implying that a person can never know the outcome of a choice until they make it, but that they're guaranteed it'll never be positive if they don't even try.
5 Worst: "Tweet Us On Facebook!"
When Johnny tries to market the Rosebud Motel online through a series of campaigns, he uses Twitter and Facebook interchangeably, telling customers to "Tweet us on Facebook!" and "Follow us on Tweeters!", which he doesn't realize hinders his business rather than helps it.
As Johnny so righteously points out to David, he's not the "only with an online presence", unaware that his inability to properly tell any interested visitors how to engage his business might just be dooming it to failure.
4 Best: "A Write Off Is A Business Expense Used To Reduce Your Taxable Income."
For as many questionable business decisions that Johnny makes on Schitt's Creek (beginning with purchasing an entire town as a birthday prank), he has moments where his professional acumen is on full display, such as when he carefully explains to David (and consequently viewers) what a tax write off is.
In many ways it's hard to believe that Johnny was swindled for all he was worth by a business partner when he seemed to have at least some idea of what he was doing, including educating David on why purchasing the wrong skin cream for his face didn't constitute a tax write off.
3 Worst: "And Sometimes It's The Second Or Third Idea That's Really The Keeper."
When Johnny has a look at the ledger for the Schitt's Creek Motel, he sees that it doesn't include charging for late check-outs, something he suggests to Stevie. She promptly informs him that would require the motel had any guests to "check in". She helpfully suggests maybe charging the long term guests.
As a long term guest himself, Johnny quickly dissuades this idea, but only after he had already told Stevie that the first idea is the most usable and obvious. He knew that Stevie's instinct was correct but encouraged her to look for other ways to make money so he could continue taking advantage of her negligence.
2 Best: "Let Me Explain Something About Business. It's A Dance. And Sometimes You Lead. And Sometimes You Follow."
When Johnny first arrives in Schitt's Creek and realizes how shabby the Schitt's Creek Motel is, he doesn't see an opportunity to turn it into something more. It's only after living there for several months that the foundation for the Rosebud Motel appears. In that interim, he tries to find ways to sell off the town so he can get out from under what he thinks is a complete money pit.
That being said, he's not wrong when he explains to Moira about the finer points of business, especially if it involves the negotiation process between two people. The only part he doesn't understand is that when it comes to selling Schitt's Creek, Roland is the one leading him, and not the other way around.
1 Worst: "We Have To Protect Our Hearts And Our Parts."
Johnny and Moira weren't always very involved in their children's lives growing up, but moving to Schitt's Creek and being forced to stay together in a cramped motel changes all that. Johnny tries to step up and be the father he never was, even taking the time to have "The Talk" with David and Alexis.
While it's encouraging that Johnny is willing to make himself vulnerable and chat with them about their sex lives, his children are sexually active adults who have been engaging with partners for a decade. His advice comes off as awkward and clueless, and only makes his family uncomfortable.
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